People often ask what percentage of divorced couples remain friends. It sounds like a question that should have a simple statistical answer. It does not.
Research confirms that some former spouses and romantic partners maintain friendships after a relationship ends, but there is no reliable national statistic establishing exactly what percentage of divorced couples remain friends.
After more than two decades practicing family law, I think there is a more useful question: what does a healthy relationship with an ex actually look like after divorce?
What Percentage of Divorced Couples Remain Friends?
There is no trustworthy national percentage that tells us exactly how many divorced couples remain friends.
Research on relationships between former romantic partners shows that friendships after a breakup do occur. But studies are generally better at explaining why people remain connected and what affects those relationships than establishing one reliable percentage that applies to divorced couples nationwide.
There is another complication: people define โfriendsโ differently. One divorced couple may speak occasionally and consider themselves friends. Another may share holidays, attend their children's events together and remain closely involved in one another's lives.
What Research Really Tells Us About Friendship After Divorce
Researchers have studied friendships between former romantic partners, but the research is much better at explaining why some people remain friends than establishing one universal percentage.
Former partners may stay connected because they still value each other as people, share children, have overlapping social circles, enjoy companionship, or eventually develop a different kind of relationship after the romantic relationship ends.
The word โfriendโ also makes the question difficult to measure. Some former spouses may remain emotionally close. Others may describe themselves as friends simply because they communicate well and have a respectful relationship.
Is It Realistic to Stay Friends After Divorce?
Yes. But in my experience, civil and functional is a much more realistic immediate goal than friendship.
Divorce can involve anger, disappointment, financial uncertainty, custody disagreements and years of unresolved issues. Expecting two people to sign a decree and immediately become friends may be unrealistic.
What happens six months, two years or ten years later can be very different.
I have seen plenty of couples who were bitter enemies during parts of their divorce eventually become quite friendly after the case was over. Sometimes ending the marriage and removing the constant conflict allows two people to develop an entirely different relationship with one another.
That is why I do not think the relationship former spouses have immediately after their divorce necessarily predicts what their relationship will look like years later.
Does the Way You Divorce Affect Whether You Can Be Friends Later?
In my experience, it can.
I do not think the relationship people have after divorce is determined only by why the marriage ended. How the divorce itself is handled can matter enormously.
When spouses are able to negotiate respectfully, use mediation where appropriate, exchange information without unnecessary warfare and resolve disagreements without trying to destroy one another, I believe they generally have a better chance of developing a civilโor even friendlyโrelationship after the case is over.
By contrast, it is rare in my experience to see a truly knock-down, drag-out divorce, where the parties spend months or years attacking one another personally and financially, turn quickly into a genuine friendship afterward.
The divorce process can leave its own scars. Couples who mediate, negotiate in good faith and continue treating one another with basic respect often preserve a better foundation for their relationship afterward. High-conflict, scorched-earth litigation can make that much more difficult.
That does not mean a difficult divorce makes future friendship impossible. People change. Anger can fade. Children grow up. New circumstances can change the relationship.
But if remaining on good terms matters to both spouses, how they conduct themselves during the divorce can either preserve that possibility or make it substantially harder.
Post-Divorce Relationships Exist on a Spectrum
Former spouses do not have to fit neatly into the categories of โfriendsโ or โenemies.โ In real life, there is a large middle ground.
Friendly
The former spouses genuinely enjoy one another's company, may socialize, celebrate family events together and maintain a voluntary friendship.
Civil & Functional
They are not necessarily friends, but they communicate respectfully, resolve practical issues and cooperate when necessary.
Limited Contact
Communication is kept to what is necessary because more interaction would create conflict or interfere with healthy boundaries.
Any of these arrangements can be appropriate depending on the family.
Particularly when former spouses have children together, being civil and predictable may matter far more than whether the parents would describe themselves as friends.
What I Have Seen Former Spouses Do After Divorce
After handling divorce cases for more than 23 years, I have seen post-divorce relationships that would probably surprise people who assume every divorce ends with two people never wanting to see each other again.
I have seen former spouses who had substantial conflict during the divorce later spend holidays together and travel together to support their children at important events.
The marriage did not work. Their later relationship as parents did.
One divorced couple I encountered continued living together for another 15 years after their divorce.
That is certainly not what I would suggest should be the goal for every divorcing couple. But it demonstrates an important point: families sometimes create arrangements that make sense for them even when those arrangements would look unusual to everyone else.
In another recent situation, a former spouse played cards with her ex's new wife approximately five times a week. They celebrated holidays and major events together.
Divorce did not end their ability to function as a family. It changed what that family looked like.
These relationships worked because the people involved wanted them to work. They should not become a standard that every divorced couple feels pressured to meet.
Do Divorced Parents Need to Be Friends for Their Children?
No.
Children do not need their divorced parents to become best friends. What is much more important is that parents communicate appropriately, respect boundaries, avoid unnecessarily placing the child in the middle and follow their parenting arrangement.
There is a meaningful difference between friendship and effective co-parenting.
| Friendship | Effective Co-Parenting |
|---|---|
| Socializing voluntarily | Sharing information necessary to parent the child |
| Spending holidays together | Following an agreed or court-ordered holiday schedule |
| Talking about personal matters | Communicating about school, health, activities and parenting issues |
| Choosing to spend time together | Cooperating even when the parents would rather not socialize |
Nevada custody cases focus on the child's best interests rather than whether the parents personally like each other. Parents who need more information about Nevada custody rules can review our Nevada child custody guide .
When the issue involves parenting time specifically, our guide to child visitation rights in Nevada explains schedules, enforcement and parenting-time issues in more detail.
New Partners Can Change the Post-Divorce Relationship
One of the biggest challenges I see with friendship after divorce occurs when a new romantic partner enters the picture.
Former spouses may have developed a comfortable friendship that works well for both of them. A new partner, however, may not be comfortable with the level of closeness between the former spouses.
That does not necessarily mean anyone is behaving badly. It may simply mean that expectations and boundaries need to change.
Former spouses who genuinely want to remain friends often find a way to do it. The relationship can become more complicated when a new partner is not supportive of that friendship.
Successful post-divorce relationships sometimes require enough flexibility to recognize that a friendship that worked when both people were single may need different boundaries after one or both begin new relationships.
Friendship After Divorce Still Needs Boundaries
Wanting to remain friends can be a healthy goal. But friendship should not become a reason to ignore the problems that led to the divorce or prevent either person from moving forward.
Ask Whether Friendship Is Realistic for Both People
One person cannot create a healthy friendship by themselves. If one former spouse wants emotional closeness while the other needs distance, forcing a friendship may prolong conflict instead of reducing it.
Protect Your Own Mental Health
There was a reason the marital relationship did not work. That does not mean the former spouses must dislike each other, but it does mean the problems that existed during the marriage should not simply be recreated under the label of friendship.
Create a Different Relationship
Healthy post-divorce friendship usually requires accepting that the new relationship is not simply the marriage without the paperwork.
Expectations about money, emotional support, access to each other's homes, communication and personal decisions may all need to change.
Staying friends is a nice goal, but it is important to establish boundaries and protect your own mental health. There is a reason your relationship with this person did not work out. Make sure being friends is realistic for both of you.
You Can Have a Successful Divorce Without Becoming Friends
I would never want someone to read stories about friendly former spouses and conclude that their own divorce somehow failed because they do not want to spend Thanksgiving with their ex.
Some former spouses become genuine friends.
Some become excellent co-parents who rarely socialize.
Some communicate only when necessary.
And in situations involving abuse, serious conflict, manipulation or repeated boundary violations, greater distance may be the healthiest and safest result.
Your Divorce Does Not Have to Define Your Future Relationship
Whether your goal is an amicable divorce, effective co-parenting or simply creating enough structure to move forward, the way the divorce is handled can affect what life looks like after the decree.
Call Rosenblum Allen: (702) 433-2889 Nevada Divorce RepresentationFrequently Asked Questions About Friendship After Divorce
What percentage of divorced couples remain friends?
There is no reliable national statistic establishing exactly what percentage of divorced couples remain friends. Research confirms that relationships and friendships between former partners continue in many forms, but there is not one trustworthy percentage that applies to all divorced couples.
Is it normal to stay friends with your ex-spouse?
Yes. Some former spouses develop genuine friendships after divorce. Others maintain a civil, functional relationship, particularly when they share children. Neither approach is inherently better.
Does an amicable divorce make friendship afterward more likely?
In my experience, former spouses who handle their divorce respectfully, negotiate in good faith and avoid unnecessary personal warfare often have a better foundation for a positive relationship afterward. That does not guarantee friendship, but the divorce process itself can affect the relationship the parties have when the case ends.
Can people who had a difficult divorce eventually become friends?
Yes. I have seen former spouses who experienced substantial conflict during the divorce become friendly later. Time, changed circumstances and the end of ongoing litigation can substantially change the relationship.
Should divorced parents spend holidays together?
They can if everyone is genuinely comfortable with it, but there is no requirement that divorced parents celebrate together. A predictable, low-conflict holiday schedule may be healthier for some families.
Do divorced parents need to be friends to co-parent successfully?
No. Successful co-parenting requires appropriate communication, consistency and child-focused decision-making. Parents can accomplish that without being personal friends.
Why does friendship with an ex sometimes become harder after remarriage?
A new partner may have different boundaries or may be uncomfortable with the closeness between former spouses. Healthy relationships sometimes require adjusting the old friendship so that the reasonable boundaries of everyone involved are respected.
Is it unhealthy to remain close to an ex after divorce?
Not necessarily. Important questions include whether the friendship is mutually desired, whether appropriate boundaries exist and whether the relationship allows both people to move forward in a healthy way.
Is it okay if I never want to be friends with my ex?
Yes. Friendship is not a requirement for a successful divorce. Depending on the circumstances, a civil relationship, limited communication or greater distance may be more appropriate.
The Bottom Line
There is no reliable statistic telling us exactly what percentage of divorced couples remain friends.
But after decades of watching families go through divorce and then build their lives afterward, I can say this: the relationship you have during the divorce does not necessarily determine the relationship you will have forever.
At the same time, how people conduct themselves during the divorce matters. Respectful negotiation, reasonable compromise and mediation when appropriate can preserve relationships in a way that years of unnecessary personal warfare often do not.
Former spouses who once struggled to communicate sometimes later attend graduations together, travel to support their children, share holidays and even become genuine friends.
Others never become friendsโand still create successful lives after divorce.
Civil and functional is a very good place to start. Anything beyond that can develop naturally if both people genuinely want it.